Just wanted to say thanks again to everyone that responded to this thread, it meant alot and it gave me plenty to think about. GBL, Greendawn, Love, all of you, thanks! Just when I think i have a grip on things something flares up and messes with my equilimbrium.
Life is pretty strange, so much of it is perspective, and the highs and lows, what an odd lot we have. Still trying to get my head around it, for the last 20 years I just didn't think about this stuff, it was school, marriage, family, build my practice and I just sort of went along with the flow not really giving things much thought. Then I stumble on this site and I say, hey, great, I'll chat with some ex-jw's, something I never have done in all my years since being out and I end up getting much more than I bargained for. Bunch of apostates get me thinking about a lot more than just how much I despise the borg, they get me thinking about everything.
Damn the whole lot of you!!!!
KLS, you asked if I think my loved ones were suffering, no, I never got into that end of it, but I hoped maybe they were someplace better, and hey, who knows, even if I do decided to disbelieve fully, still doesn't mean its not possible.